This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
