You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
