how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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