I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
