how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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