i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
