is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
