I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
