you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
