I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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