i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Did we literally take a cab across the street
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
