hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
