Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
