STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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