I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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