her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
