Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
