Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize