Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
