i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Randomize
