I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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