Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
