My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Randomize
