I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
