The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
