omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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