He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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