I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
