In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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