she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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