I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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