u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
