honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
