I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
