he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
