I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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