I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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