This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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