If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
