My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
