the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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