he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize