I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
