i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
