hotel room ftw
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
