My hand turned me down
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
