Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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