Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize