Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
