You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
