everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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