Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I love you.
Bad choice
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
