New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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