Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
