Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
