oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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