The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
