you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
