youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
