Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
