You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
