i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
