dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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