Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Randomize
