I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
God I need to hump something, right now.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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