So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
