So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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