you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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