Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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