listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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