be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
