nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
