$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
