If i could tip my vagina, i would.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
