i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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