I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
