I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
