He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
