So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
