carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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