She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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