I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
