I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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