I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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