mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
