Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
