it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
