She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
