i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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